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Faith in Humanity

I’ve seen and experienced a few horrible things up close and personal in my short time on earth but I have watched and read about a whole ton more of terrible acts humans commit via the news and internet. Whether its political or violent nothing ceases to amaze me these days. Does that mean I have lost faith in humanity?

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I’ll take some faith please.

Lets get into this post by just saying my thoughts are with those in Boston and the families affected. After hearing the news about the bomb attack in the US, I am sad to say I was not particularly shocked, yes I was disgusted and angered but not shocked. Its not as though things do not affect me and I am not completely accustomed to the sick thoughts and decisions of our human race, things tend to make me more angry these days over any other emotion.

I just don’t understand how people can let themselves be brain washed, be by religion (dare I say it), mental health, drugs or simply a big ego. I don’t mean that to sound ignorant and maybe I am ignorant, I understand that peoples minds work differently and the way they approach things are different, but how can it function so off the scale that you are content with taking the life of another human being or hurting them.

There are times when I feel that the majority of humans on this planet are either selfish, lazy, egotistical, violent, control freaks. Call me pessimistic that’s probably what it is, but how can I not feel that way when all I hear are stories of murder, wars, and politicians who couldn’t care less for the people of their own country. It pretty much boils down to the two words I hate the most…politics and religion. (I said it again sue me).

But to bring a positive view on humanity if you are also a bit of a pessimist like me, Patton Oswalt made a great point while giving his two cents on the horrible incident that took place in Boston. It made me look at things in a more optimistic light.

“This is a giant planet and we’re lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness. 

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation.  

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”

Full post here: https://www.facebook.com/pattonoswalt?fref=ts

Maybe my faith in humanity has been restored.

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Am I selfish?

So I’m sitting here, In my room…our room( My boyfriend and I) thinking to my self while he is out playing football, bored with a thousand thoughts I want to just scan from my brain on to this page. I was wondering ‘Am I selfish?’

I think I’m socially selfish in many ways selfish to my self and selfish to others. I find my self enjoying my my own company but worrying that I just don’t get out enough and I cant tell if I like it or not. I wouldn’t really say I have ‘friends’ as I don’t make the effort with any one I really know. I rarely get invited to do things because people probably know I’ll let them down by saying ‘I’m tired, I don’t have enough money, I’m not in the mood’ But then I complain that I’m not experiencing life. I think my thoughts are that I need to leave London to experience things but how will I be able to experience and enjoy things if I cant even enjoy where I am now. Some times I’m not even sure if I like people, I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone that I’m weird and I blame that on other people. I get jealous at other peoples lives and the friendships they have although I feel like most of their relationships are fake and pointless and I don’t want to waste my time with that nonsense.

My life felt like it change at 16, when I was diagnosed with Lupus and possibly younger when the end of secondary school started going down hill. To be fare I can’t really put my finger on what happened but I pretty much lost all my friends in my last year or so at school, I wasn’t a bad person, at least I don’t think I was. But everyone just didn’t like me any more my two best friends at the time found there new groups of people and I just started bunking school avoiding everyone and hanging out with people in my area. Getting up to no good smoking and staying out late not studying and praying for school to end so I didn’t have to face the people who I felt hated me or didn’t even care enough to hate me. Then I got ill very ill to the point of bedridden and I lost my new friends and saw the truth..they didn’t really care either.

After this I gave up trying to make friends or keeping them, people like the groups they have, the people they have known for years and don’t need new people like me in their lives, I became socially awkward, embarrassed and scared to ‘hang out’. College was a great time I must admit, and I met some wonderful people but again they have their own friends and I’m just a girl they knew/know.

I’ve always been a bubbly person and little crazy..well alot crazy, but I don’t think I’m over bearing, I’m not in your face or too loud so I don’t get why I just don’t click with any one. The only friends I have are my good male friend of about 6 years, he was there when I had no one and was always there to talk. He is the kind of friend you don’t see for months but when you talk its like you saw each other yesterday!

And my amazing boyfriend of three years, I can tell him anything, he has seen me at my worst, put up with my flip outs and my over emotional break downs over not getting the right juice I sent him to the shop for. He is my rock, but what will I do if one day he is gone. I need to be able to meet new people and not depend on people for support. But for me a real friend is some one you can call up and say’ I hate my life, the milk has gone off, I’m not getting out of bed today’ and have them reply ‘Its okay I know that feeling, Im coming round with some fresh milk don’t worry about getting dressed’

P.s I think it may of stemmed back to my 10th birthday when no one turned up, it was the worst feeling ever. I never threw a party again until my boyfriend persuaded me to throw a 21st birthday party, it was lovely to have college friends make the effort to wish me a happy birthday and I’m glad he pushed me to face my fear. Maybe people do care and maybe I just need people like him to push me.

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